Orthodox Jewish lesbian.a
It seems as oxymoronic as ``kosher pork
chop.''a
If the Orthodox strictly follow Jewish
law, and Jewish law explicitly prohibits homosexuality, how can it be
otherwise?a
Because in matters of Jewish law, there
are few simple questions, even fewer simple answers. No less nuanced
are the customs of a community bounded by traditions little changed
over the centuries.a
If homosexuality has been discussed at
all among religious Jews, it has been behind closed doors, or lately,
through the anonymous safety of the Web. Exposure usually equals rejection
from an entire way of life.a
Now, thanks largely to a prizewinning
documentary featuring a South Florida lesbian couple, the status of
homosexuals in a community that barely acknowledges the possibility
of their existence is being openly debated.a
That debate comes to South Florida Tuesday,
along with several screenings of Trembling Before G-d, which premiered
at the 2001 Sundance Film Festival to great acclaim.a
The film, by Brooklyn, N.Y., documentarian
Sandi Simcha DuBowski, was seven years in the making. It examines the
wrenching choices that Orthodox gays like Malka and Leah, the South
Floridians, face between sexual orientation and religious obligation,
family harmony and inner peace, belonging and isolation.a
Raised in Brooklyn, Malka and Leah met
at a high school for Orthodox girls and fell in love at a religious
summer camp. Both 30, they've been together for half of their lives.a
They weren't identifiable in the film
and don't want to be now, out of respect to their parents, no matter
how fractured their family relationships.a
In a pivotal scene shot in their North
Miami Beach apartment, Leah and Malka are preparing for the Sabbath.
The camera zooms in on Malka's hands as she braids the dough for a challah,
the ritual Sabbath bread.a
The phone rings. It's Malka's parents
calling from Brooklyn to wish her well for the Sabbath. Her father,
a rabbi, is headed out the door for shul, her mother says.a
`FINE AS ALWAYS'a
The conversation strains with forced
cheeriness. Malka's patter is stylized, her body language tense. When
it's over, she tells Leah, ``It was fine. As always.''a
But it wasn't fine, and it hasn't been
fine since Malka ''came out'' to her family, and they all but declared
her dead.a
It's progress that they even call, but
it comes at a terrible price.a
''They don't care about me having a good
Shabbos, because that means having it with you,'' Malka says, her tone
angry and anguished. ``I spend the whole day trying to have a good Shabbos,
then they call.''a
She disintegrates into sobs. Leah folds
her in an embrace, soothing her as one would a child.a
The fact is that Jewish law barely mentions
homosexuality in general, lesbianism in particular.a
''The Bible presumed [lesbianism] wasn't
happening,'' according to Rabbi Steve Greenberg of New York, the country's
only ''out'' gay Orthodox rabbi.a
CHAPTER AND VERSEa
Where the Bible does address homosexuality is in Leviticus. Chapter/verse
18:22 reads: ``Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it
is abomination.''a
Leviticus 20:13 offers the punishment: ``If a man also lie with mankind
as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination;
they should surely be put to death.''a
To many Orthodox Jews, that's the beginning
and the end of it.a
''It's cut and dried, theologically,''
said Rabbi Edward Davis of Hollywood's Young Israel Congregation. ``The
Torah says it's an abomination and prohibited... Although Torah only
[refers to] the male, the Talmud [refers to] the female as well.''a
In one passage, Samuel forbids his daughters
to share a bed. In another, it's stated that women who have ''rubbed
together'' cannot marry priests.a
ROOM TO INTERPRETa
But some argue that Leviticus leaves plenty of room for interpretation,
enough to keep gay Jews, male and female, within the margins of morality
and acceptance.a
Greenberg -- who admits his is a ''minority position'' -- says the Torah
doesn't outlaw ``being gay. Same-sex desire is not a problem. It's intercourse
between men.''a
The Torah recognizes that it can't demand
the impossible from people striving to fulfill the commandments, so
given what's now known about human sexuality, Greenberg suggests that
it's impossible to ''command'' gays to enter heterosexual relationships.a
Greenberg blames ''contemporary homophobia,''
protected by centuries of silence, for the prevailing strictures but
believes that secular trends toward acceptance are nudging even the
Orthodox toward social change.a
While he discredits attempts to ''change''
someone's sexual orientation through therapy, which some rabbis endorse,
he thinks the therapeutic process itself isn't a bad idea.a
SHOULD BE POSITIVEa
''If people want to help others be open to other possibilities, that's
OK. I just want to make sure nobody is harmed,'' he said.a
Greenberg, 45, considers himself lucky.
At 20, he began to confront his nature.a
''I went to see a sage in Jerusalem, because I was attracted to someone
in yeshiva. I told him I was attracted to men and women,'' he said.
'He said, `My dear one, you have twice the power of love. Use it carefully.'
It was a challenge. He wasn't giving me permission. He was a wise man,
[and] it really helped.''a
Leah and Malka certainly don't believe
they're violating a religious code. In any case, they're convinced that
no deity could disapprove of the love they share.a
After all, Malka asks, wasn't it God
who led them to each other? God ''knew how powerful we'd be together,''
she said. ``How can that be wrong?''a
For all of the pain, the women can't
see moving to one of the more liberal branches of Judaism -- Conservative,
Reconstructionist and Reform -- even though they certainly would be
more welcoming. In fact, many have gay-friendly services or outreach
missions.a
DIFFERENT CUSTOMSa
But they say they would feel like strangers there, because the worship
services and customs are so different from everything they know.a
Edward Davis, the Orthodox rabbi from
Hollywood, says that even though he finds the notion of same-sex unions
''repulsive,'' it's a private matter.a
'No one is looking into people's homes. If someone comes into my synagogue,
no one is going to say, `You have to leave.' But don't flaunt it. If
two men walk in holding hands, I have a problem,'' he said.a
He isn't sure that among women, it's
as big an issue as Malka and Leah contend.a
''I've never heard of a loud outcry. There are women who are single
and have no children who aren't getting married. Maybe things haven't
worked out. I don't really believe there is some kind of negative feeling
toward someone who isn't married,'' he said.a
He would urge a gay person ``to seek
proper counsel with a therapist who is religious and who can understand
the problems. Nevertheless, whatever the origins of the status, the
person is still required to live a religious lifestyle and repress the
desire.''aa
Above all, he said, families shouldn't banish their gay members.aa
'Every parent should say, `My love is unconditional. I might not like
what you're doing.'aa
The Miami Herald: Posted on Sun, Mar. 10, 2002
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